30 Most Funny Spanish Insults

There are so many funny Spanish insults! Indeed Spanish people really know how to mess with you but in a fun way!

All the funny Spanish insults that you will find here are respectful ways to joke about their flawns.  

If you are willing to be funny in the Spanish language, do not hesitate about using some of these expressions when you need them.

1. Usa tu cerebro, es gratis

The first of our funny Spanish insults is Usa tu cerebro, es gratis.

‘Use your brain, it’s free’ is one of the most hilarious Spanish idioms.

It may be considered the ideal quote to tell mean friends when saying something stupid.

2. Eres más vago que el sastre de Tarzán

Laziness is a cardinal sin you can joke about easily if you say Eres más vago que el sastre de Tarzán.

Some funny Spanish phrases and insults may be useful to make your friend aware of the fact that he or she always wants to rest on the sofa.

The translation of this saying is ‘You’re lazier than Tarzan’s tailor’.

3. Estás más perdido que un pulpo en un garaje

Some funny insults in Spanish are aimed to remark that someone has no idea about what they are doing or saying.

If you have an opinionated friend that usually talks about everything without getting reliable information about the topic, you can tell him or her Estás más perdido que un pulpo en un garage.

It literally means ‘You’re as lost as an octopus in a garage’.

4. Eres más soso que la comida de un astronauta

One of the best Spanish insults to tell someone that is very introverted without disrespecting them is Eres más soso que la comida de un astronauta.

The translation of this hilarious expression is  ‘You’re blander than an astronaut’s food’.

5. Eres tan feo que los monstruos miran encima de la cama para ver si estás tú

Worst Spanish insults will attack your physical appearance, this is precisely what happens when saying Eres tan feo que los monstruos miran encima de la cama para ver si estás tú.

We strongly encourage you to avoid these kinds of Spanish insults unless you have a strong relationship with who you are going to swear.

To avoid offending people, you should make them aware of the fact that you are joking, although the funny notes of this saying will let them know it.

The translation of this expression is ‘You’re so ugly the monsters look over the bed to see if you’re there’.

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6. Chupacables

Chupacables is one of the bad Spanish words that are very useful to swear and relieve some stress.

It is a funny expression to insult someone that is acting ridiculously, that’s why it has to appear on our list of 30 Most Funny Spanish Insults!

The English translation of this expression is ‘Cable sucker’, which might be understood as ‘silly’.

7. Eres más feo que una carretilla con pegatinas

Some cursing words in Spanish refer to the physical appearance of someone and compare them to peculiar objects.

It is what happens when saying Eres más feo que una carretilla con pegatinas.

This expression deserves and special place in our list of 30 Most Funny Spanish Insults because it means ‘You’re uglier than a wheelbarrow with stickers’.

8. Eres una inversión a fondo perdido

Insulting words in Spanish that refer to the lack of someone’s intelligence should be witty to be funny.

If you say Eres una inversión a fondo perdido, you mean ‘You’re an investment at a loss’.

It is a clever expression to say that someone is silly.

9. Tienes la cara más dura que la rodilla de una cabra

Some funny Spanish words may be appropriate when a friend is taking advantage of a situation in a mean way.

Tienes la cara más dura que la rodilla de una cabra is one of these kids of quotes.

Its significance is ‘Your face is harder than a goat’s knee’.

10. Te insultaría pero no lo haría tan bien como lo hizo la naturaleza

Beautiful Spanish phrases may be converted into insulting sayings.

We all can agree on the fact that nature is beautiful; however, there are also some mistakes or flaws in it.

If you say Te insultaría pero no lo haría tan bien como lo hizo la naturaleza, you are meaning ‘I’d insult you but I wouldn’t do it as well as nature did’.

11. Me dicen del circo que pase a recogerte

There are no Romantic Spanish Phrases to tell someone that is a clown. 

Nevertheless, if you want to say it using a funny expression, do not hesitate about using Me dicen del circo que pase a recogerte.

It means ‘the circus told me I should pick you up’

12. La diferencia entre mi pizza y tu opinión es que la pizza la pedí

Some positive quotes in Spanish are used to show that there are no stupid comments that can attack your self-esteem.

If you need to tell rude people that you will not get hurt by them because you simply do not care about what they think, you should say: La diferencia entre mi pizza y tu opinión es que la pizza la pedí.

It means  ‘the difference between the pizza and your opinion is that I asked for the pizza’.

13. Contigo se confirma la teoría científica de que un humano puede vivir sin cerebro

Contigo se confirma la teoría científica de que un humano puede vivir sin cerebro is one of the most funny Spanish Quotes about Life.

It is very useful to refer cleverly to the lack of intelligence of someone.

This hilarious Spanish saying can be translated as ‘You have confirmed the scientific theory that a human can live without a brain’.

14. Si los zombies comen cerebros, tú serías invisible para ellos

Thrillers are one of the favorite films of Spaniards, especially those with zombies as main characters.

Movies Set in Spain made popular the idea that zombies eat brains, that’s why everyone will find funny the quote  Si los zombies comen cerebros, tú serías invisible para ellos.

The English translation of this expression is ‘If zombies eat brains, you’d be invisible to them’.

15. Si fueras agua no serías potable

What is Spain known for is the great sense of humor of its locals.

As a result, they will laugh out loud if you say si fueras agua no serias potable.

This funny quote means ‘If you were water, you wouldn’t be drinkable’ and it can be used to tell someone that is a toxic person.

16. Si los defectos fuesen flores, tu serías la primavera

A funny Spanish quote to emphasize someone’s weak aspects in a witty way is Si los defectos fuesen flores, tu serías la primavera.

Its translation is ‘If defects were flowers, you’d be spring’.

As you may have noticed, spring is the season when fields are full of flowers, so there’s nothing else to say about how the person you are referring to is.

17. Gracias por servir a la humanidad de ejemplo de lo que no hay que hacer

Most Beautiful Places in Spain are sometimes spoilt by those who don’t treat those places like they deserve.

If you see someone throwing garbage on a beach or a mountain, do not hesitate about letting them know that they should not be behaving like that.

If you need the perfect quote to this situation, tell them Gracias por servir a la humanidad de ejemplo de lo que no hay que hacer.

This quote in English means ‘Thank you for serving humanity as an example of what not to do’.

18. Eres como el sol, te miro y me duele la vista

Hilarious Instagram captions in Spanish may be really effective to attract your followers’ attention.

If you aim to achieve this goal, you should use Eres como el sol, te miro y me duele la vista.

This quote means ‘You’re like the sun, I look at you and my eyes hurt’, which suits a backlit picture of you and a sunset.

19. Eres más corto que las mangas de un chaleco

This post is focused on providing you with the 30 Most Funny Spanish Insults, so I guess you are not hoping to find romantic Spanish love quotes here.

I am sure Eres más corto que las mangas de un chaleco is one of the most popular funny sayings in Spain because it is also said in Catalan.

This expression can be literally translated as ‘You’re shorter than the sleeves of a vest’.

Someone who is ‘short’ in Spanish means that this person is dumb.

20. Vamos a buscar tu dignidad

Vamos a buscar tu dignidad is one of the motivational quotes in Spanish to laugh about someone without being rude.

This saying means ‘Let’s find your dignity’.

It is especially useful when someone is behaving ridiculously and you want to joke about it.

21. Das más asco que chuparle los dedos a un mecánico

Some Funny Spanish quotes about friendship allow you to joke with your friends about their behavior or physical appearance. 

If you tell them das más asco que chuparle los dedos a un mecánico, you mean ‘You are more disgusting than sucking a mechanic’s fingers’.

A quite disgusting thing to do bearing in mind that they are usually super dirty!

22. Vas de bombón y no llegas a lacasito

Funny Spanish Quotes to let someone know that they should stop showing off their physical appearance are quite popular in Spain.

My favorite one is Vas de bombón y no llegas a lacasito, which means ‘You think you are hot and you don’t make it’.

23. Uso el sarcasmo porque matar es ilegal

Spanish travel quotes allow you to be funny without getting you into trouble.

They are softer than some funny Spanish slang words that I have already told you and they are especially useful to express how you are feeling without disrespecting anyone.

This is precisely what happens with uso el sarcasmo porque matar es ilegal, which means ‘I use sarcasm because killing is illegal’.

24. ¿Te maquillas o te rebozas la cara en Cola Cao?

These 30 Most Funny Spanish Insults list should include ¿Te maquillas o te rebozas la cara en Cola Cao?

You can use this funny Spanish quote when going out with a friend that got too much makeup on her face.

This rhetorical question means ‘Do you wear makeup or do you roll your face in cocoa powder?

25. Se cree el ombligo del mundo y no llega a pelusa

Se cree el ombligo del mundo y no llega a pelusa is a funny Spanish insult that also means ‘You think you are hot and you don’t make it’.

However, its translation is ‘He thinks he’s the navel of the world’.

26. Dónde vas con esa cara si aún no es Halloween

If you need Funny Spanish quotes about friendship to mess with your friends when they look tired, you can use Dónde vas con esa cara si aún no es Halloween.

The translation of this Spanish quote is ‘It’s not Halloween yet so… where are you going with that face?’.

27. Te daré dos medallas, una por tonto y la otra por si la pierdes

If you are looking for a funny saying that will help you to tell someone that this person is quite dumb sarcastically, you can use Te daré dos medallas, una por tonto y la otra por si la pierdes.

It can be translated as ‘I’ll give you two medals, one for a fool and the other in case you lose it’.

28. Si el amor llama a tu puerta, se habrá equivocado

Several Romantic Spanish love quotes may turn into funny sayings if you add an unexpected ending.

Si el amor llama a tu puerta, se habrá equivocado is a clear example of this kinds of ‘If love knocks at your door, it will be wrong’

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29. Soy mucha mariposa para tu estómago

If you are not getting what you deserve in a romantic relationship, you should be able to tell your couple that you are not going to waste your time with someone who does not treat you right.

The perfect Spanish quote to make your point is Soy mucha mariposa para tu estómago, which can be translated as ‘I’m too much butterfly for your stomach’.

Don’t forget it, someone who is not nice to you does not deserve to feel the butterflies you awake.

30. Con esa cara no te silba ni la olla exprés

Another funny Spanish saying to joke about someone who wears a sour face is Con esa cara no te silba ni la olla exprés.

An olla exprés is a pressure cooker and silbar is to whistle. In Spain, men used to whistle at girls they like.

Now that you know these, you can easily understand the expression ‘With that face, you don’t get a whistle even from the pressure cooker’.

More Funny Spanish Insults

• “Eres más lento que una tortuga con muletas.” Translation: “You’re slower than a turtle with crutches.”
• “Tienes menos luces que un árbol de Navidad en enero.” Translation: “You have fewer lights than a Christmas tree in January.”
• “Eres más aburrido que un documental sobre piedras.” Translation: “You’re more boring than a documentary about rocks.”
• “Tienes una lengua más larga que una autopista.” Translation: “You have a tongue longer than a highway.”
• “Eres más raro que un perro verde.” Translation: “You’re weirder than a green dog.”
• “Tienes menos gracia que una película de terror en una fiesta de cumpleaños.” Translation: “You have less charm than a horror movie at a birthday party.”
• “Eres tan listo como un balde de cemento.” Translation: “You’re as smart as a bucket of cement.”
• “Tienes menos futuro que un submarino de plomo.” Translation: “You have less future than a lead submarine.”

Let’s have some fun with these phrases! Just remember, the most important thing is that we use them in a way that everyone understands it’s all just for laughs.

We never want to hurt or offend anyone.

It’s also important to keep in mind the cultural differences and sensitivity of our audience.

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The end of this post about Most Funny Spanish Insults has come.

I just hope you have learned tons of new hilarious best Spanish idioms to joke about unpleasant situations or to curse someone without being disrespectful.

Do not hesitate about using them when you need to blow off some steam to keep going through your day as happy as usual!

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